you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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