That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
