if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize