Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
