We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My hand turned me down
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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