I smell stomach acid.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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