the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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