Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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