I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
should my penis look like a turkey
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
