Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
