On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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