Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
