omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
