Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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