is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
