New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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