He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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