when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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