Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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