i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
