Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
