if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
