so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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