We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
