Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
