Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
