Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
