even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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