So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
