last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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