The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
