I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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