I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
