Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize