remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
