ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
