last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My vagina is officially offended.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
