I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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