Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
