yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
