Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
