listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize