you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
