i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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