ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
