I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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