careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
