but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
