Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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