just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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