Can Purell be used as lube?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He shit in the fireplace
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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