i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
