maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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