eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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