so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Shame is for Republicans.
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