just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
