if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
