im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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