mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
