There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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