My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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