carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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