Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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