between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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