I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
