You don't have asthma, your pregnant
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
