why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
