I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
