dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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