Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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