I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
