Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
